|Posted by Sarah Rowan Dahl on October 9, 2014 at 6:35 AM|
Like I said yesterday,
Artist + Mother = BEEEEEEEP
My husband fell asleep on the sofa whilst attempting to get my 7 year old down. Classic. You know you're a parent when staying awake long enough to get the kids down is a feat. This time I was wise. Prior to writing I spent the entire day wearing my 3 year old out, without a minute of down time, so she passed out (after I read 9 small books). Is it just me, or do you find yourself in an entirely different world during storytime? I make valiant efforts to remain "present", however, if the book has pathetic illustrations I am in a world of my own. Reading aloud whilst simultaneously checking off my mental to-do list, planning for the following day, and of course giving myself a good dose of mental guilt for not being "present" and trying to cherish each moment of their young lives.
Last night, I was laughing through one of my favourite sitcoms, when the main character (in a psychologist office) said something to the effect of, "I love my mom. She's great a great person...but maybe she shouldn't have been a mother." I laughed out loud, though internally had to honestly wonder if my girls would one day sit in the office of a therapist saying the same thing. Motherhood is brutal. Forget the most intense exhibition experience, or high-pressure commission. Forget public scrutiny and criticism of works. Kids. Now that is brutal.
Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Financially. Spritually. Is there an "ally" I'm forgetting??? LOL I don't care what people say, there isn't a book or MP3 out there that can really prepare a creative soul for what it's like to have their space, time, and creativity so invaded...violated. ROFL. I have to laugh. If you don't know me, you may think I am morose and dark, so please note that my tone is one of sarcasm with a hint of white wine and 7 years of sleep deprivation.
On the flip side of the coin, I know my art would not have developed and matured over the past few years without the influence of motherhood. My work shifted dramatically in palette, style, medium, application, EVERYTHING when I became a mother. I no longer had the luxury of time to brew and agonize over brush strokes and colour. I began to let the paint fly faster and faster, with less analysis and more desperation to create. From that has blossomed a career in speed painting! My main source of artistic income is created in short bursts of time in front of crowds who are inspired and amazed at the very thing my children unknowingly drew out of me!!! Geez. Wow.
So for all of you creative mothers out there feeling alone and afraid to say how hard it is to create and be yourself because all of your time and energy is being used up on some little creature/s...you are not alone. ;-) Step by step, day by day...learn, grow, love yourself...do what you can do, but more importantly...BE.
Enjoy the brief season of children at home (I'm preaching to myself)... ENJOY THE JOURNEY.
Categories: Personal Insight